Pages

Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The future can wait {El futuro puede esperar}

Is it the only way? Es la unica manera?

{Ganas fuerza, coraje y confianza en cada experiencia en la que realmente te detienes a mirar el miedo en la cara. 
Y eres capaz de decirte a ti mismo, debes hacer lo que piensas que no puedes hacer ~Eleanor Rooselvet }

Yesterday I woke up at 5 AM...
a nightmare,half fanny and half scary.
I couldn't go back to bed so I sneak into the living room.
I set quietly for a few minutes, 
the skies kept getting bluer.
I remembered a colorful book I read three years ago,
today forgotten in our bookshelf. 
I recalled a story in it:
A fifteen year old boy goes to see his grandpa 
who is paralyzed from the waist down after a stroke. 
The old man looks his young grandson in the eye and enlivenly asks
what is it that he wishes the most...
I wished the next 15years would pass really fast so 
I would know what it is of my life. 
The grandfather deeply disappointed tells him he is very stupid and turns his face.
The rest of the story tells you how the young boy never understood why his grandpa said that
... until he turned 30. 
I realize I was feeling like a stupid boy... I kneel and pray. 
The window showed me a yellow ochre  tree... I felt peace. 
I heard them waking up... I felt joy.  

Ayer me desperté a las 5 am ...
una pesadilla, mitad divertida y mitad de miedo.
No podía volver a la cama, así que silenciosamente baje a la sala.
Me quede en silencio durante unos minutos
el cielo se hacía cada vez más azul.
Me acordé de un colorido libro que leí hace tres años, 
hoy olvidado en nuestro librero.
Me acordé de una historia en la que
Un muchacho de quince años va a ver a su abuelo
que está paralizado de la cintura para abajo después de un derrame cerebral.
El anciano mira a su nieto a los ojos y con entusiasmo pregunta qué es lo que mas desea
 ... Yo deseo que los próximos 15 años pasaran muy rápido y asi saber que es lo que sera de mi vida. El abuelo profundamente decepcionado de su respuesta le dice que es muy estúpido y le vuelve la cara.
El resto de la historia cuenta cómo el joven nunca entendió por qué su abuelo dijo eso,
... hasta que cumplio los 30 años.
Me di cuenta que me sentía como ese joven ingenuo
 ... Me arrodillo a orar.

La ventana me muestra un árbol color amarillo ocre 
... Me siento en paz.

Les oígo despertar ... Me alegra.



Tuesday, September 20, 2011

All I want is to... [Todo lo que quiero es...]


Ser el tipo de mujer
que cuando tus pies tocan el suelo 
por la manana,
el diablo diga,
Oh no,
ya desperto






Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Fireworks!

Fireworks July 4th 2011

This long weekend I was reminded that  my babies are the fireworks of my life (is that a song?)
They illuminate the darkest part of me (ok that sounds weird!)
in a beautiful and colorful way...(ok that's cheesy!) 

So true though!

I am feeling a little anxious about my life (go ahead, say it: Again!)
DREAMS *** DREAMS
A lot of times I just keep them to myself
and then... I start to feel itchy!

I go to bed thinking about all the things I didn't do that day 
fallow by making a mental and long list about the things I need to do the next day.....
"I am busy" I tell my little Cami and she gives me a"nooo!! I am busy" back
I change diapers, brush teeth, put PJs, read books, do the asthma ritual (another post)
do it all as quickly as I can, the soonest the better ..
all to end up crying because I cannot even remember looking 
at their big brown eyes for a moment while I did all those things...
(Some days I really really hate the  mom in me)

But 
They ease all, 
I kiss them in their sleep 
and their warm cheeks and sometimes even a "gracias mami"
make it all right....(they still love me!)
and I get another day to make it up to them.

There is no words to describe the love I feel for them,
(Although, there are many words to describe how inadequate I feel at this) 

Little by little, in a very slow and small amounts,
they are making me perfect, they are making me who I am
and I like me!!

but the best part of all is that they like me!

Life is full of chances ...or so I learned





 




Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Hello morning...?

this makes me happy (image from decorology)
 
Today is not a good morning
and when that happens I start to complain...
today I can complain about how rebellious and contradicted a 3 years old can be
...how I kept my vacation photos from facebook for a month  (still hard to see my grandpa's pics) and when I finally decided to share them with family and friends the internet is soooooo ..not working.... i have a toddler who keeps getting out of the bath tub (on his own!)... about flying ponys and crying sisters..  I can tell you about our kitchen floors full of puzzles pieces (add to that we had pancakes with lots of raw honey for breakfast) 
and my crappy kitchen cabinet who keeps falling apart and wont find a replacement for it...
See I am very good at complaining when its not a good morning...
But today I am doing my hair and going for some delicious lunch at Cafe Rio with a lovely friend

How about that morning???

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I am getting old!!

Si te pasa como a mi que al asomarme en el horno en lugar de ver el pastel veo las arrugas en mis ojos, mejor conocidas como "patas de gallo" en el reflejo de la puerta del horno...guess what! ...
you are getting old too!!!  I know.. I know I am not suppose to talk about age.. but i just found out I am a year older than what I thought I was...

Sin saberlo me estaba quitando un anio de vida... sera que mi consiencia no quiere envejecer jajajajaja


Hace unos dias atras en una platica con mi papi, me entere que tenia un anio mas del que yo pensaba (sin saberlo)!! No es la gran cosa pero me da nervios y risa ver que estoy llegando a la edad que consideraba en mis "teens" como VEJEZ y lo mas scary de todo esto es que pensaba que tendria ya mi vida resuelta. Well I am getting there and its sooo not true!
He empezado un Bucket list para mis 30s, cosas como tomar una clase de jardineria, o aprender a skiar, etc. Todo esto me recuerda un historia que me causa mucha risa, la cuenta el Elder M. Russell Ballard en su libro "Daughters of God" Se llama la linea de vida de una mujer:

Edad 3. Se ve a si misma y ve a una reyna
Edad 8. Se mira asi misma y ve a Cenicienta
Edad 15. Se ve a si misma y ve al patito feo. "mama no puedo ir a la escuela asi!"
Edad 20. Se ve a si misma y se ve "muy gorda/ muy flaca, muy alta/muy pequenia, muy lasia/muy risada, pero decide salir asi de cualquier manera.
Edad 30. Se ve a si misma y se ve "muy gorda/ muy flaca, muy alta/muy pequenia, muy lasia/muy risada, pero decide que no hay tiempo para cambiarse y  decide salir asi.
Edad 40. Se ve a si misma y se ve "muy gorda/ muy flaca, muy alta/muy pequenia, muy lasia/muy risada, pero se dice a si misma "al menos estoy limpia" y  decide salir asi.
Edad 50. Se ve a si misma y dice "soy lo que soy" y va a donde quierera que ella desee.
Edad 60. Se ve a si misma y se recuerda de aquellas personas que ya ni siquiera se pueden mirar en el espejo. Decide salir y conquistar el mundo.
Edad 70. Se ve a si misma y ve risa, sabiduria,y posibilidad y sale a disfrutar de la vida.
Edad 80. Ni si quiera se molesta en mirar al espejo. Solo se pone un sombrero morado y sale a divertirse con el mundo.

....y la moraleja de la historia es que talves todos deberiamos ponernos el sombrero morado mas temprano!!

El escritor Robert Bly lo puso asi:
Pasamos los primeros anios de nuestra vida decidiendo que parte de nosotros metemos en el saco, y ocupamos el resto tratando de vaciarlo.


Se que toma tiempo pero en verdad espero que me tome menos de 80 anios el poder aceptarme plenamente... y si no ...ya estoy 1/3 mas cerca jajjajjaja!!

Happy day!!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Do you know me?

Last night my husband asked me... do you think I am the person who knows you the most? (We were playing a game to tell each other something that we didn't already know).

I paused and thought about it... and the most genuine answer I found was that I don't think I even know myself!

These past days after the death of my abuelo I have been feeling anxiety every time I go to bed.. and during the day I keep myself busy, that I don't even "find" time to call family and/or friends. I thought of taking some time to paint (a good 6 hrs alone) but still felt the same way. I have been giving away half of our clothes, organizing closets and boxes (that we don't even open) and I have found peace and happiness (sort of) by color coordinating our closets (yes! even the kiddos!).  Weeeeiii-rrdd!!
So after thinking about it and recalling past years and experiences I realize this is how I cope with "upseting" things... and I don't even think is upset, it  is more like a lack of control. When my life feels a little out of my control I look for things that I am able to control and organize ...like closets.. I guess.

Mami siempre hice eso?

So for now,our 5 closets are neat an organized  and the only down side  of all these crazy organization is that the rest of the house is out of control and unorganized like laundry, cable bills, etc.
Oh well!
You can't beat them all...can we?
How do you or your kids cope with upsetting/new things?



LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...